Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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