wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
