i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
