So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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