the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
