I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
