Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
