kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
