She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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