singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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