this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
