It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
