I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
