You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
