oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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