rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
