you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
