12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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