Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
