i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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