thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
