Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
