Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
