She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
