I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
