Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
