Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
