your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
