we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
