I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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