you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
