She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
