His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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