LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
