ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
