just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
