Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
