Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
