These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
