wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
