I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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