the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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