We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
