Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
