i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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