i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
