Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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