She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
