i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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