theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
