I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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