11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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