I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
